Love, Relationships and Finance: Putting People First -- and Money Second

Failing in love is simple -- or so it often seems in retrospect. Sooner or later, how ever, disagreements crop up, and love be comes a much more complicated business. Can you guess one of the most common subject — it’s money. Everywhere we go, we hear the same complaint: “We get hot when it comes to money.” Indeed, arguments about money are the catalyst for more separations and divorces than one can imagine. Why? Because people’s attitudes and fears about their money give it power -- and the ability to wreak havoc on the most important relationships in their lives.

But there is a simple answer. We have said it before and we’ll say it again: Place people first, money second.* Whether you are falling in love, living with someone, getting married, getting divorced, or starting your life over again following the death of someone you love, the people in your life come first. This doesn’t mean that money has no relevance to love, however.

(* You may say “Money second?” If it is the “root of all evil”, why not put it lower? Unfortunately, life in the real world never works out so idealistically or “cleanly”.)

Of all the kinds and degrees of intimacy that exist in the world -- physical, emotional, social, professional, or domestic -- financial intimacy is one of the most satisfying and perhaps the hardest to achieve. If you and your partner or spouse haven’t walked carefully through all the money matters that might come up in time, we promise you that money will one day become an obstacle in your relationship. When financial change comes to you—and, for better or worse, it will come—it will have the potential to be come a minefield of undisclosed expectations or fears.

The questions and answers in this section are not meant to frighten you away from making a commitment to the person you love. They are meant to show just how important -- and how precious -- a lifetime commitment is and to explain the role that money plays in making it work.

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